Gut Instinct

I need to talk to you for a second. Over here, by the California pomegranate stand, we won't be bothered here. Listen, I'm concerned that the Large Hadron Collider is going to swallow up Europe and create a general feeling of nausea in the rest of us shortly after it is activated this fall. Seems like a rather big risk to take in the name of hard-to-pronounce science when you think about it. It's nice that we're searching for a Grand Unified Theory, but I would rather concentrate our planet's resources on other things.

Actually let's forget the pomegranates, let's go over to the banana stand and wonder how much money we have wasted on blemish medication and hair colour that has been all for nothing anyway, when we could have been spending it on smear campaigns against the Higgs boson, also known as the harbinger of our destruction. Curiosity killed the cation. We have no right to be messing with God's particles, or even mentioning them in public. Let's grab this bunch of yellow bananas here and call it a day.

- Tuesday, April 01, 2008